Possibly the best thing about
writing this column are the conversations I have
with people that I meet for the very first time, I
have a license to ask these people intimate
questions about their lives, whether they've ever
faked orgasms to how
their marriage is working out. I can get away with
this because I can say, 'It's for research", for my
column on sex and relationships,'
Just last week, I got a call from
a very old friendly was changing his phone number
and was going through his address book As he went
through it, he would pick and choose people to call
and catch up with, I've known him since I was 15
years old back in Australia, He was the cool cat of
the college crowd; the one with many girlfriends,
the one with the Ozzic girls, the one with the
pointiest shoes and the snazziest car, He was the
Fonzie of the Malaysian student crowd.
We had one of those amazing catch
up sessions, where everything just flowed free and
easy, even though the last time we bumped into each
other three years ago, we had nothing to say to each
we started talking about our love lives, I told him
I was now divorced and single, so
Yes, I do have sex
outside of a relationship. He told me he's now got a
second child who is already two years old, and yes,
he still plays around. We chatted about where we
hang out, where we pick up, and then he suddenly
announces, 'Actually, to tell you the truth, I
prefer paying for sex.' 'Really? Why is that? Tell
me more, It's for research", for my sex and
relationship column,' I said quickly.
interesting to me because CK's wife is an attractive
lady and CK himself is a good looking man. Why would
he still go looking for paid sex? I remember that,
about 12 years ago, CK and the whole Melbourne crew
used to go to Haadyai together, SB, another friend,
used to tell me about their massage parlour visits,
SB claimed that he only went for the massage. Also
married with kids, now SB only surfs for porn on the
'It's much easierlah, CK said,
'when you pay for sex, you don't have to work so
hard for it.' By work, he's referring to the free
sex of one night stands. To find a girl, buy her
drinks, impress her, run the risk of rejection and
not getting what he wants, is simply, to CK,
'headache only, where got fun?' 'Anyway,' he added,
'for the girls you pick up at the bar, it's never
just about sex. They end up liking you or you end up
liking them, and it all gets too complicated: where
to do itlah, who does whatlah, will you call
tomorrowlah. It takes all the fun out of it.'
to CK, 'Paid sex is just about the sex'. He
genuinely loves his wife and would never think of
leaving her or the children.
CK is not the only one,
here or overseas. According to Dr Helen 'Ward of the
Imperial College of London, 'The sex industry is
more visible and accessible. Anyone with a computer
or a smart phone can find sex workers, read reviews
about them or meet them in clubs. Paying for sex has
become one of many options in addition to casual
sex, short-or long-term relationships, or marriage.
Some men seem to find it attractive to have sex
without any emotional commitment, while others just
like the excitement of paid-for sex.
In Kuala Lumpur; CK tells me you can safety go to karaoke
centres that are located next to 'gentlemen's clubs'
to get your fix. At
these places, you pay before you go into the rooms.
You have to fork out about RM450 for a six-hour
'block' with a girl. However, he warns that this is
never enough. He said, 'So you have to book a
10-hour block, and that can go up to RM800. Then if
you want to go out of the room with her you probably
have to give her another RM600 or RM800.'
That's a mighty expensive fix! I
was frankly horrified that men were forking out so
much money for a quick shag.
CK was in agreement.
'That's why we usually go for just the blow jobs.
You can get a blow job for about RM80 or so, but by
the time you give them a tip at the end of the
night, it'll probably cost you RM150 to RM200.
I asked CK if I could come along
for the next 'karaoke' session, nostalgically
thinking of the Melbourne days when, as the youngest
girl of the group, I was always allowed to tag along
with the college boys to clubs and parties. CK said
that while I could probably get in, he doubted that
any of the girls would perform with an outside girl
He said, “When we come in a large
group, they feel shy. The last time we went, there
were about 20 of us, and this one girl wouldn't even
let me touch her. CK explained that the ideal group
size is about three or four men. 'Then they would
strip and dance on the table.'
I took a guess that the gir1s were
mainly foreigners, girls from Thailand or China.
However; CK said, 'These girls are all local and
they come from different races. And they are all
time we go, 'CK said, 'we each spend about
RM400 to RM500.' Is it
really worth it? The reason men, regardless of how
eligible, rich and dashing they are, don't pay for
sex is not because they can't get laid. They pay for
sex because it's an easier, sexier and generally
guilt- and stress-free way of getting what they
STATS ON GUYS WHO PAY
FOR SEX (IN THE UK)
1. One in 10 men admits that
they will pay for sex.
2. The average age of men who
do so is 34.
3. Close to half of the men who
pay for sex already have a partner.
4. Most said that they had paid
for sex with women.
5. Over half said that they had
paid for sex while abroad.
6. Four out of 10 said they had
paid for sex locally.
7. Two third said that they
paid for sex in the preceding year, and around one
four said that they repeatedly used prostitutes.
8. More than half who had
unprotected vaginal sex (paid for) already have a
9. Unprotected vaginal sex is
more common among those who paid for sex while
abroad, but unprotected oral sex is twice as common
among the men who paid for sex locally.
10. The British Medical Journal
calculates that the number of men who pay for sex
almost doubled from about 5% to close to 10% from
1990 to 2000.
11. It is estimated that the
figure will double again from 2000 to 2012, making
it two out of every 10 men who are willing to pay