Paying For Sex   

Paying For Sex


Possibly the best thing about writing this column are the conversations I have with people that I meet for the very first time, I have a license to ask these people intimate questions about their lives, whether they've ever faked orgasms to how their marriage is working out. I can get away with this because I can say, 'It's for research", for my column on sex and relationships,'

Just last week, I got a call from a very old friendly was changing his phone number and was going through his address book As he went through it, he would pick and choose people to call and catch up with, I've known him since I was 15 years old back in Australia, He was the cool cat of the college crowd; the one with many girlfriends, the one with the Ozzic girls, the one with the pointiest shoes and the snazziest car, He was the Fonzie of the Malaysian student crowd.

We had one of those amazing catch up sessions, where everything just flowed free and easy, even though the last time we bumped into each other three years ago, we had nothing to say to each other:

Naturally, we started talking about our love lives, I told him I was now divorced and single, so Yes, I do have sex outside of a relationship. He told me he's now got a second child who is already two years old, and yes, he still plays around. We chatted about where we hang out, where we pick up, and then he suddenly announces, 'Actually, to tell you the truth, I prefer paying for sex.' 'Really? Why is that? Tell me more, It's for research", for my sex and relationship column,' I said quickly.

It's interesting to me because CK's wife is an attractive lady and CK himself is a good looking man. Why would he still go looking for paid sex? I remember that, about 12 years ago, CK and the whole Melbourne crew used to go to Haadyai together, SB, another friend, used to tell me about their massage parlour visits, SB claimed that he only went for the massage. Also married with kids, now SB only surfs for porn on the Internet.

'It's much easierlah, CK said, 'when you pay for sex, you don't have to work so hard for it.' By work, he's referring to the free sex of one night stands. To find a girl, buy her drinks, impress her, run the risk of rejection and not getting what he wants, is simply, to CK, 'headache only, where got fun?' 'Anyway,' he added, 'for the girls you pick up at the bar, it's never just about sex. They end up liking you or you end up liking them, and it all gets too complicated: where to do itlah, who does whatlah, will you call tomorrowlah. It takes all the fun out of it.'

According to CK, 'Paid sex is just about the sex'. He genuinely loves his wife and would never think of leaving her or the children.

CK is not the only one, here or overseas. According to Dr Helen 'Ward of the Imperial College of London, 'The sex industry is more visible and accessible. Anyone with a computer or a smart phone can find sex workers, read reviews about them or meet them in clubs. Paying for sex has become one of many options in addition to casual sex, short-or long-term relationships, or marriage. Some men seem to find it attractive to have sex without any emotional commitment, while others just like the excitement of paid-for sex.

In Kuala Lumpur; CK tells me you can safety go to karaoke centres that are located next to 'gentlemen's clubs' to get your fix. At these places, you pay before you go into the rooms. You have to fork out about RM450 for a six-hour 'block' with a girl. However, he warns that this is never enough. He said, 'So you have to book a 10-hour block, and that can go up to RM800. Then if you want to go out of the room with her you probably have to give her another RM600 or RM800.'

That's a mighty expensive fix! I was frankly horrified that men were forking out so much money for a quick shag.

CK was in agreement. 'That's why we usually go for just the blow jobs. You can get a blow job for about RM80 or so, but by the time you give them a tip at the end of the night, it'll probably cost you RM150 to RM200.

I asked CK if I could come along for the next 'karaoke' session, nostalgically thinking of the Melbourne days when, as the youngest girl of the group, I was always allowed to tag along with the college boys to clubs and parties. CK said that while I could probably get in, he doubted that any of the girls would perform with an outside girl there.

He said, “When we come in a large group, they feel shy. The last time we went, there were about 20 of us, and this one girl wouldn't even let me touch her. CK explained that the ideal group size is about three or four men. 'Then they would strip and dance on the table.'

I took a guess that the gir1s were mainly foreigners, girls from Thailand or China. However; CK said, 'These girls are all local and they come from different races. And they are all under 30.'

'Every time we go, 'CK said, 'we each spend about RM400 to RM500.' Is it really worth it? The reason men, regardless of how eligible, rich and dashing they are, don't pay for sex is not because they can't get laid. They pay for sex because it's an easier, sexier and generally guilt- and stress-free way of getting what they want. 


1. One in 10 men admits that they will pay for sex.

2. The average age of men who do so is 34.

3. Close to half of the men who pay for sex already have a partner.

4. Most said that they had paid for sex with women.

5. Over half said that they had paid for sex while abroad.

6. Four out of 10 said they had paid for sex locally.

7. Two third said that they paid for sex in the preceding year, and around one four said that they repeatedly used prostitutes.

8. More than half who had unprotected vaginal sex (paid for) already have a partner.

9. Unprotected vaginal sex is more common among those who paid for sex while abroad, but unprotected oral sex is twice as common among the men who paid for sex locally.

10. The British Medical Journal calculates that the number of men who pay for sex almost doubled from about 5% to close to 10% from 1990 to 2000.

11. It is estimated that the figure will double again from 2000 to 2012, making it two out of every 10 men who are willing to pay for sex.


Happy reading,

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